The End of Movie Going

02Jun08

The first film I ever saw in theaters was Back to the Future 2, to this day it remains my favorite film of all time. If we’re friends then you’re aware of my obsession, and you know that taking me to counseling only makes me want to wear life preservers and skateboard more. My one thing in life that has always given me a good sense of balance and an escape from whatever real life stuff was going down was the cinema. There was always something about it as a kid, the dark room, the movie trailers, the larger than life screen – all of it encompassing a fun experience that I tried to catch every weekend, as often as possible.

Lately, the thing I used to love most in life is depleting. Everything I once loved is now trivialized and compromised for the all mighty dollar. I hate commercials in front of trailer, I hate text messaging and phone calls from the other so-called “movie-goers”, and I despise technical difficulties. It’s 200-freakin-8, get it right! I was like 12 years old before I remembered actual faults with the equipment, granted before that point I was probably too mesmerized to take notice but it seems like I can’t see anything today without massive problems; some belonging to the movie, some to the individual theater.

I am a stickler for continuity errors, they’re like magnets to me – I can’t ignore them. If a cup was on the table, then gone, then magically there again – It screams out to me like Paul Shaffer smoke alarm. I see reflections of crew in mirrors and boom mics in shots and just about everything else I can think of. Now I know what kind of undertaking making a movie is, don’t get me wrong – that’s why finding these things is more of a game to me than an annoyance. I love the “ghost” in the corner of Three Men and a Baby as much as the next guy, and now with technology being what it is, most any mistake not caught by theatrical release is surely fixed by it’s DVD debut. My guff rarely falls with the filmmakers, or even with the continuity professionals on set because mistakes happen, I know that better than anyyonee.

It’s not Hollywood that’s really ruined the movie going experience for me though, I still love movies as much as I did when I was a kid and my 1900 DVD’s (yes, alphabetized) on the shelf behind me prove that I’m still a stickler for anything that blows up followed by a good one-liner. It’s more the local cinema that I have beef with in 2008. I’m not a fan of paying $10 for less of an experience than I got when I paid $5. Now I know I’m not the first (nor the last) to complain about this, much less on a “blog”. My voice will echo off and die out in the distance with a thousand others but it’s my damn site and I’ve had my 15 minutes of fame in life already so I’m going to bitch and moan with the rest of the world on this one.

I saw Cloverfield in theaters three times, do you know why? First viewing was opening night, and with a movie with that much hype, that was my own fault. I sat behind a row of seventh graders who were more interested in taking pictures and video of the movie than enjoying a pretty good flick. But we’ll get back to my complaints of what I like to call “opening-night-assholes”. Second viewing was in my hometown in a much smaller, older mall-embedded theater where the audio cut out every 10 minutes, which made a film like Cloverfield very hard to appreciate it. My third and final attempt to get it right was the worst disaster of them all, where the reel broke with 10 minutes left in the film and the theater decided they wouldn’t be refunding the 12 or so of us viewing after the error. I think everyone else let it go but I wasn’t about to go down without a fight on that one, as I chased down a general manager and demanded my money back. He quipped that I saw more than 85% of it and that sufficed. No dice. I got my $7.50 back and three coupons.

This past weekend I saw Sex and the City in a screen outside my city (no comments please) and everything was off balance. Unfocused picture, poor audio, and a jumping screen that had everything screwed up for the 2 1/2 hour girl-fest I was privy to, and all the girls dressed up as Carrie or Miranda made it hard to find someone official to complain to anyways. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not a big complainer because I know it rarely helps anything, but there’s a line that sometimes needs to be crossed when mistake after mistake mounts up against the enjoyable experience. I’ve already put in an email to the manager of that theater, which I know I’ll never hear back from – but throwing in that I’m a screenwriter and a film producer from L.A. doesn’t hurt, does it?

Now as opening night megarama goes, I hate it. I’ve had this endless argument with countless film critics, geeks, and average moviegoers – I cannot stand seeing a big film on opening night with all the other idiots of the world coming out of the woodwork. I saw all the Star Wars (prequel and re-releases) on opening night, the Star Trek films, the comic book movies, the remakes, everything – if it had the notoriety of having enough people to form a line hours before the first showing, I was there. This ended back in 2006 when I saw Superman Returns at an advanced screening. I could not stand it. People screaming and yelling and jumping up and down when Supes took off, stupid. I’m as big a fan as anyone (especially Superman) but there’s a time and a place for talking about a scene or a special effect, and that is NOT when it’s happening on screen. It was that night that I called it quits, since then I’ve enjoyed weekday afternoon of the big title films, where it’s usually me and four other people with nothing better to do, and sense enough to keep their traps shut and enjoy a damn movie. Batman Begins, Transformers, Die Hard 4, Indy and the Crystal Skulls, all afternoon, low population, fun. I slipped up on Cloverfield but that was due to that damn ingenious viral marketing. Damn you J.J. Abrams! I love it.

I guess all in all it’s no one person’s fault for today’s movie going experience. The theaters have the crappy equipment (I’m more than 75 miles from the nearest DLP cinema), the regular patron doesn’t know DeNiro from Pacino anymore, and there’s more product placement advertisements than there are movie trailers to enjoy, thus ruining my fun in getting to the movie fifteen minutes earlier than anyone else. Unless ScreenVision wants to hire me and my knowledge to work on the opening trivia, behind the scenes looks, and upcoming peeks – I’d rather stare at a dark screen and movie score music in anticipation for something that used to cost less than a McDonald’s happy meal. It’s getting to the point where I’d rather shell out $100 to rent the screen to myself for a viewing than share with undeserving people (yes, undeserving) who ruin my night for me. Then maybe I can jump up and down and yell things at the screen when Superman flies away or Batman gets the bad guy. I’ll take one for “Hypocrite” at the 7:30 showing.

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